“I’m Here”: East SOS Psychologist Explains How to Support a Child During Wartime

Children do not expect adults to have all the answers. But they deeply need to feel that there is an adult nearby whom they can trust, even in the most frightening moments. Care, honesty, and support from loved ones can provide children with an important anchor as they navigate the experience of war.

In an article for the Vilne Radio media outlet, Maryna Yunasheva, the East SOS Psychologist, explains how to respond to children’s difficult questions about danger, why honesty matters more than reassuring platitudes, and how to help a child feel safe.

Below, in the carousel, we share some of the recommendations. Read the full article here.

What to do in the first seconds after an air raid alert: start with yourself 

In stressful situations, children first and foremost look to their parents and other trusted adults for cues.

“For a child, a parent’s reaction is a signal of how dangerous the situation is. If adults are disoriented or panicking, the child’s nervous system interprets this as confirmation of the threat,” Maryna Yunasheva explains. 

A few slow breaths in and out can help the nervous system move from a panic response to a more regulated state.

At the same time, the psychologist recommends not placing the burden of your own emotions on the child. Phrases such as “You can see how scared I am” or “Don’t make things even harder for me” can create an additional sense of responsibility for the adult’s emotional state.

What to do in the first seconds after an air raid alert: interacting with children

Children may react differently: they may cry, refuse to go to the shelter, or, conversely, freeze. In such situations, the psychologist recommends focusing on three things: connection, simple instructions, and movement.

You can set up contact with a child using short phrases such as “I’m here” and “We’re going to a safe place”. 

Simple tasks can help to start moving: counting the steps, picking up belongings, or turning the walk to the shelter into a game. 

If a child freezes, it is important to bring their attention back to the present. You can ask them to name the color of an object, make eye contact with the adult, or take a sip of water. 

How to help a child after shelling, living under occupation, or displacement

After experiencing danger, a child’s mind may continue to respond for a long time as if it has not passed. They may, for example, react sharply to air-raid alerts or loud noises, wake up at night, be afraid to stay alone, or constantly check whether their parents are nearby.

“After a traumatic experience, it is important for a child’s psyche to repeatedly experience the fact that there is an adult nearby who helps them cope and does not leave them alone with their emotions,” the psychologist says.

That is why it is important to maintain routines even when it’s difficult to do so: going to bed at the same time, having dinner together, reading before bedtime, or maintaining other familiar rituals.

How to create safety rituals at home

According to Maryna Yunasheva, one of the most difficult things for a child’s mind during wartime is the lack of control and predictability.

This is why safety rituals can help: simple, repeated actions that provide a sense of order. 

A child should know what to do when the siren sounds, where to go, who takes the necessary belongings, and where their place is in the shelter. 

“The purpose of rituals is not to make the child stop being afraid, but to help them experience that fear while staying connected to adults and within a predictable environment,” the psychologist explains.

What to say if a child asks, “Are we going to die?” or “Will they kill us?”

These are among the most difficult questions, but they should not be left unanswered. For a child, they are primarily an attempt to understand whether they are safe and whether the adults can cope with the threat.

“Children are very sensitive to situations when adults’ words do not match reality, and this can increase anxiety and undermine trust,” the psychologist explains.

For younger children, a calm voice, physical touch, and reassurance that an adult is nearby are important.

School-age children can be told, “Yes, there is a danger right now, which is why we are going to the shelter. We are doing everything we can to stay safe.”

Teenagers need a more open conversation, “I can’t promise that there are no risks. But we are doing everything within our power to keep ourselves safe.”

How to recognize when stress is already affecting a child

A certain level of anxiety during wartime is natural. But when the nervous system remains in a state of constant threat for too long, stress can begin to affect a child’s everyday life.

In younger children, this may manifest as frequent crying, fear of separation from parents, sleep problems, or complaints of pain without an identifiable cause.

In school-age children, it may appear as difficulty concentrating, irritability, aggression, or a persistent preoccupation with the war.

In teenagers, signs may include withdrawal, apathy, emotional exhaustion, sleep disturbances, or risky behavior.

The psychologist identifies losing the ability to experience joy, play, take an interest in the world, or maintain emotional contact with loved ones as a sign for concern.

If symptoms do not subside within several weeks or begin to interfere with learning, communication, or everyday life, it is worth seeking professional help.

Psychological support from East SOS is available offline at the psychosocial and legal support hubs “Zatyshno space”:  

Zaporizhzhia, 3 Pivdennoukrainska Street (Myru Street stop)
+38 (097) 021 41 53

Kharkiv, 11 Hoholia Street
+38 (097) 384 97 35

Vinnytsia, 19 Vasylia Poryka Street (room 72)
+38 (095) 877 26 36

Mykolaiv, 79-A Marka Kropyvnytskoho Street
+38 (099) 790 00 70

The hubs in Zaporizhzhia, Kharkiv, and Mykolaiv operate as part of the project “Protection and Essential Psychosocial Support for War-Affected Residents in Frontline Areas” with financial support from the German Federal Foreign Office. The Vinnytsia hub provides assistance with financial support from the Fondation de France Solidarity with Ukraine Program.